The Stories

How many times have ya heard “And that’s all I’ll say about him” followed by a 15 minute in-dept life story about the subject matter? It’s a sure sign that there’s a story coming, and who knows, maybe, just maybe, a bit of gossip.

One of our key identifying factors, as Irish people, is the fact that we tell stories. We love it. We love not being on a night out and asking was there any scandal/gossip/craic? Bit weird, isn’t it? Perhaps, yes, but it seems to be one of our critical success factors with the foreign dollar. I have talked to many foreigners abroad and they are mostly charmed by the story I’m telling. No matter how much sh!te comes out, they’ll still be fascinated. It’s probably the reason why there are now some Americans who believe that there currently exists a colony of leprechauns in Wexford, because I convinced them there is.

So next time you’re telling a story abroad, remember that that is probably going to lead to someone coming to the green isle. Be prepared to explain why you exaggerated so much.

The Photos

Photos. Photos are all about capturing little moments.

This is a short blog, and is somewhat self indulgent. What follows are some photos I’ve taken. Enjoy!

While you’re looking through the pictures I hope it makes you think about capturing your moments. After all, a picture says a 1,000 words, unless someone “cleverly” puts a sarcastic comment over it, then it usually says between 8-10 words. Please don’t do that!

 

And now for some more photos! Your comments, questions and suggestions are very welcome.

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The Headlines

Why do you read a story in a paper? Is it because you’re genuinely interested in the welfare of the elderly lady who fell over in a park (who’s unfortunate choice of clothing decided to fail at the particular moment) or because you read the headline “Mature lady bares all in Public”? You know it’s because you thought you might have had the chance to see Dame Helen Mirren’s bits. No, no, unfortunately that lady is not for showing.

Headlines, like that sentence you hear on a bus, grab your attention. When you hear “and then he started walking up to the bleedin’ house with an axe” you know you’re gonna mute the MP3/4/5 (the MP5 comes with a masseuse) and listen intently. Keeping that attention is a different story altogether.

Consider the headlines you read and think about whether or not it rings true to the actual story. For this I present to you a number of headlines and have taken some real ones as well:

  • Dwarf reaches new heights.
  • Bestiality cases sore.
  • Motor Vehicles use most petrol.
  • Traffic leads to congested city.
  • Horse mounts man.
  • Anxiety leads to stress.
  • Man found dead, stripper denies knowledge.
  • Pope condemns poverty, polishes giant golden stick.
  • Study shows sex may lead to pregnancy.

Now, would you have read those stories because you were genuinely interested in the dwarf who received the promotion, or the poor man who happened to depart this world next to a stripper? No, you wouldn’t have, you would have read them because you giggled a little or saw your chance to make yourself feel better about your place in the world. That’s right, you’re weird, but it’s ok, we’re all a little weird.

By the way, if you have read this, I have probably just ruined reading papers for you, ESPECIALLY if you read tabloids.

Now, if ya didn’t like that, have a look at some other links;

http://list25.com/25-unintentionally-funny-newspaper-headlines/

http://headlinesthatsuck.com/

http://www.dumpaday.com/humor-pictures/funny-headlines-13-pics/

http://myfox8.com/2012/06/16/funny-news-headlines-photos/

http://myfox8.com/2012/06/16/funny-news-headlines-photos/

And here’s some of the pictures that would have sucked ya in:

The Customer is always right, right?

Wrong! But you do have to make them think they’re right. That usually means some sort of manipulation. Although they may be wrong, ya have to make them, with subtlety, come around to your way of thinking. If you do that well enough then their memory of the experience is as follows:

The art of generating a satisfied customer is not in showing them they were wrong, but in making them believe they were right all along. At the end they should believe that they came up with the solution themselves. This does not negate the customer service role, but rather reinforces it.

Having worked in customer service in the past I can say that the customer is right about 50% of the time. This is mostly due to the fact that they jump in and complain straight away. It’s an offshoot of the “I NEED IT NOW!!!” mentality that is currently floating about. It’s people who don’t step back and take 5 minutes to consider all the facts at hand. Customers nowadays are masters at creating their own issues and then blaming the evil company behind it.

For this, I have a few examples (all real), and I would like you to ask yourself; was the customer right?

  • A customer calls a customer service representative, threatens actual violence, representative invites him to the office.
  • A customer walks into a shop, refuses to tell the cashier what they want/got, blames the company and apparently the fact that don’t hire people with telepathic powers.
  • A customer sends an email in every half hour demanding that her issue is resolved, realises she was doing the wrong thing, blames the company.
  • A customer spends 6 weeks demanding that the terms of her purchase are met, states the company is at fault, finally sends in a receipt after being asked to for 6 weeks. This customer purchased the product from another company, blames the company.
  • A customer has a completely independent transaction issue with another company, emails in, blames the company.
  • A customer puts €160 of Petrol into a Diesel truck, himself, blames the company.
  • A customer emails in, states they can’t access the internet, they have no phone, needs a problem resolved, continues to email in, blames the company.

Now, next time ya head into a shop determined to rip the head off the nearest person with a name tag hop down off the righteous horse and think to yourself “Am I really right?”. Even if ya are right, relax, you’ll live longer.

Having considered the above, check out the links below. Remember, warnings on labels are there because somebody did the thing they’re telling you not to do. Think about that next time you’re waving a toilet brush at the power lines.

http://www.bored.com/crazywarnings/

Being Social on the Toilet

“I like using the iPhone on the can in work, it’s the only break I get!” as a friend recently said to me. Why, I wondered? Because it was the only time he got to himself in work, that’s why. It’s not a new concept, it’s the new paper, it just looks a bit dodgy bringing a paper into the toilet in work.

How many times have you been sitting in the canteen and someone comes in and starts talking about work? Before ya know it your lunch has gone cold, your tea has gotten that horrible skin on the top of it and your 5 minutes late. That’s what has led to this; being social on the toilet. This can occasionally lead to:

We’re all go nowadays. We don’t switch off. We are accessible everywhere and at anytime. It’s not nice. It’s not handy. It is certainly not healthy. It used to be that you worked to live, or lived to work, whichever. But now? Now it’s everything, all the time. It’s why I go to places with no phone signal sometimes, just so I’m forced to switch off. Turns out that not been able to check Facebook can actually horrify you for a few seconds. After all, how will I inform the world that I’m out of reach at the moment?!

Husband & Father. Green hat with a hint of Black, White, Yellow, Red & Blue.

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