The Headlines

Why do you read a story in a paper? Is it because you’re genuinely interested in the welfare of the elderly lady who fell over in a park (who’s unfortunate choice of clothing decided to fail at the particular moment) or because you read the headline “Mature lady bares all in Public”? You know it’s because you thought you might have had the chance to see Dame Helen Mirren’s bits. No, no, unfortunately that lady is not for showing.

Headlines, like that sentence you hear on a bus, grab your attention. When you hear “and then he started walking up to the bleedin’ house with an axe” you know you’re gonna mute the MP3/4/5 (the MP5 comes with a masseuse) and listen intently. Keeping that attention is a different story altogether.

Consider the headlines you read and think about whether or not it rings true to the actual story. For this I present to you a number of headlines and have taken some real ones as well:

  • Dwarf reaches new heights.
  • Bestiality cases sore.
  • Motor Vehicles use most petrol.
  • Traffic leads to congested city.
  • Horse mounts man.
  • Anxiety leads to stress.
  • Man found dead, stripper denies knowledge.
  • Pope condemns poverty, polishes giant golden stick.
  • Study shows sex may lead to pregnancy.

Now, would you have read those stories because you were genuinely interested in the dwarf who received the promotion, or the poor man who happened to depart this world next to a stripper? No, you wouldn’t have, you would have read them because you giggled a little or saw your chance to make yourself feel better about your place in the world. That’s right, you’re weird, but it’s ok, we’re all a little weird.

By the way, if you have read this, I have probably just ruined reading papers for you, ESPECIALLY if you read tabloids.

Now, if ya didn’t like that, have a look at some other links;

http://list25.com/25-unintentionally-funny-newspaper-headlines/

http://headlinesthatsuck.com/

http://www.dumpaday.com/humor-pictures/funny-headlines-13-pics/

http://myfox8.com/2012/06/16/funny-news-headlines-photos/

http://myfox8.com/2012/06/16/funny-news-headlines-photos/

And here’s some of the pictures that would have sucked ya in:

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