Tag Archives: attitude

Fitness, Mental Health, Miscellaneous

Dancing with your Shadow

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Your shadow is always there, regardless of where you are. Even in a dark room you cast a shadow on something. It can be behind you, in front of you, beside you, under you and over you. It’s always there, casting itself, a constant companion.

A shadow is more than simply an area you darken; it’s something you carry with you for life. It got me thinking when I saw the (adorable) video of a little girl who was scared to death of her own shadow. A shadow for me is a reminder of what’s there. I have started to think of the whole area of mental health as a shadow of sorts. The shadow is the part you don’t pay much attention to most of the time.

A shadow for me symbolises our low points and our high points and being able to live with it and accept it is important, vitally important. Things will not always be sunny and the sun won’t always be in your face and that’s ok. Sometimes you’ll be gazing down at a long and enduring shadow as it refuses to leave you and sometimes it will be behind you and out of mind.
In my case my shadow is an anxious one. It shouts up ominous words at me and sometimes envelops me in its grip, stifling my every thought. It can be withdrawn, it can be out of sorts and it can be downright rude. On the flip side it can also be loving, happy and carefree. It can also be just ok, getting by and middling the road, nothing too fancy. It all happens and that’s ok.

When I saw that little girl I did briefly consider how ridiculous the whole concept was, I mean, scared of a shadow. But then I stopped being an ass and thought about it. We all have our shadows to fear. The hard part is realising that we control the shadow and what it thinks. Yes, ok, some people will try and get in on it, but you choose how to let them in. Some people will be nasty, they’ll try and bring you down and they’ll try and keep you down. You control their influence. You control how you much you let them interact with you in that manner. On the other side of it you have the people who will feed your shadow with healthy thoughts. They’ll hug it, they’ll embrace it and if you’re lucky enough they’ll even love it. Let the good people in, it’ll be worth it in the end.

The important thing is to not deny your shadow. Don’t pretend it’s not there. If you’re going to accept the laughing and dancing then you have to be willing to accept the crying and the curled up in a ball under a duvet pretending the world doesn’t exist. It exists and you do have to deal with it. Here’s the trick though. Your happy and laughing shadow will usually come with the help of others, but you’re muggy and head wrecking shadow may only go with the help of others.

So what do you do? Well, my advice would be to stop, breath and talk. Go to someone you trust. Go to your partner, go to a friend, go to a family member, go for a walk, go for a shower, go for a cycle, go for a hike, go to a counsellor, do something! It may not shake itself. It’s ok to need help every now and then. We all need a little TLC at times and accepting that can be the hardest thing to do. It’s not shameful or weak. It’s hard and it’s brave.

Accept it, own it and carry on.

Mental Health, Miscellaneous

I Don’t Believe it!

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I don’t. It can be such a devastating phrase. I don’t do this and I definitely don’t do that. It can often define us in such a negative manner. I don’t is very much a character defining phrase, it makes up your beliefs and who you are. However, I would theorise that we can turn I don’t into an empowering phrase. Why just use it to show what we’re limited to? Why not use it to help us!
It’s a psychological thing though you see. It’s all in your head. It’s far easier and much firmer to say you don’t do something and to stick to it then saying you can’t do something or that you shouldn’t do something. For instance; “I shouldn’t have another beer” is usually followed by another beer. Similarly we have; “I can’t stay out too late” which usually leads to coming home in the early hours. Try it the other way now. I don’t drink more than 4 pints and I don’t stay out past half 11. It’s firm, it’s steady and it’s almost a certainty.
I don’t is a solid answer whereas the other answers are all susceptible to suggestion. It’s even easier to convince yourself of what you’re saying. I shouldn’t have dessert versus I don’t have dessert are two massively different answers. One is open to suggestion (the hungry fat voice at the back of your head) while the other is an end to an argument before it has even begun. It’s the difference between leaving with cheesecake and cream all over your face or with the dignity of knowing your pants will still fit in the morning.
So I’m going to give it a go. Here’s an example of some of the things I’m going to try and not do anymore:
• I don’t eat dessert. A simple way to try and stop imitating the size of the equator with my waist line. This one should be ok since I’m not a massive dessert fan and the price of dessert is pretty hefty anyway. Besides, if you have Cheesecake as a starter it’s not a dessert, right? NO!
• I don’t drink much. Again the wallet is being taken care of here. The hangover too, or rather, lack thereof.
• I don’t dwell too much. What’s the point in wondering about what ifs and what could have been? Dwelling on something will only ever make sense if you have a time machine. Pick yourself up and move on. I did that today. Cycled in and forget my wallet and instead of dwelling on it I went to my wife (kind of like a little annoyed baby) and now we’re doing lunch.
• I don’t do fizzy. No Coca-Cola. No Fanta. No Club Orange. No Red Bull. No Boost. No sugary carbonated drinks. They may taste nice but they ruin you, in many ways. Consider this: I use Coca Cola to unclog drains. Metal drains. Imagine what that does to your soft tissue.
• I don’t curse. This is mostly for the benefit of my beautiful and wonderful daughter. It will be football boots this and cupid stunts that but I will endeavour to trap the words and my lips for fear of an embarrassing shopping trip full of expletives.
So there, there are 4 things I don’t do. It’s a paradigm shifting change. Give it a go. Find some things you don’t like and don’t do them. Everybody has them, the annoying habits and routines they don’t like. Empower yourself, don’t do it!

Miscellaneous

The 12 Pubs of Wreck the Head

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Isn’t it time that we grew up a little bit? I don’t mean to be that old grumpy bastard, but to me this whole 12 pubs of Christmas thing is what’s wrong with Irish society.

I have a number of reasons for thinking about it like that. Here they are;

  1. What was wrong with pub crawls? Heading out with your mates, having a bit of craic and having some Christmas scoops. Is that too simple now? Are the rigorous rules and whistles really necessary?! Not to mention the groups which are comprised of half hard core drinkers and half people who are afraid to admit they can’t hold their booze so just get too drunk and fall into everyone or puke all over the place instead.
  2. We have a problem with alcoholism in Ireland. It’s not getting any better. We are sacrificing our futures for blurry nights and empty wallets. The 12 pubs to me clarifies that we know no other way. Wanna see your mates this festive season? Sure ya have to be blind drunk to really enjoy that, don’t ya? No.
  3. We don’t deal with our issues. How many times have you been out and one of your mates has lost it. They’ve broken down or their personality has switched completely. I know that has been me in the past and I know it has been some of my mates as well. We’re a fragile nation and we’re kind of starting to see that now. Things like the 12 pubs “tradition” endanger people, both physically and mentally, isn’t it time we copped on?!

I don’t want to seem like I’m holier than thou here. If anything I have made all the mistakes that will happen on a 12 pubs night. I certainly know I have drank more than 12 drinks in one sitting. What I do know is that I hit a low with my drinking. I got to a point where it wasn’t enjoyable and it was kinda like the monkey on my back, making things much harder than they had to be. I’m not saying I was an alcoholic, but I wasn’t far off.

Maybe it was becoming a father that made me really think about it. Is a drunken fool the role model that I really wanted to be to my daughter? Not really, no.

I’ll still have a couple of drinks. If anything I appreciate them a hell of a lot more now. I also enjoy the lack of hangovers that stretch into 2 or even 3 days.

So when you’re considering the 12 pubs maybe you should stop and think why first? Surely the unique thing to do would be to not get completely bladdered and maybe be able to remember your night.